Of course there had been no cable cutting to limit my access to Nature. My feeling of disconnect wasn't due to an external force at all. It was all on me. Unfettered, 24/7 access to the Wild outdoors is available to everyone, you just have to show up to feel it.
This was the first time in memory that I felt totally disconnected in an environment that I considered to feel more like home than most houses. I long to be outdoors where there is no other human presence, allowing space for the animals who call the forest home to move through their day un-alerted. It's a privilege to become so still and connected that no other animal notices you- and if they do, they are not scared off. The woods can become so quiet, one can hear the wing beats of a low flying Raven overhead. One of my favorite sounds in the forest is the way rustling leaves of a tree can mimic the sound of rain.
That was what was bothering me most about the feeling of disconnect. Along with the disconnect were the feelings of impatience and irritation. I was impatient waiting for a deer who would walk up, willing to sacrifice everything for me. I felt like such an asshole.
That was a clear indicator that I needed to step back, take a break and reflect on why all of this is so important to me. Why I hunt my food as opposed to buying it in a store? Why I feel so at home in the forest? And then I rembered Just how connected we all are. I remembered how deeply sacred time in the woods really is. The connection I feel to the woods and animals I hunt is the biggest reason I became a hunter in the first place.
The next time I go into the woods, it will be without an agenda. I will go there simply to share sacred space, connect, learn and heal. I am the deer and the wind through the trees and the raven's wing beats. I am grateful.