It is not often I take a nap, however today I was not feeling well and was tired, so a nap was in order for me. In my dream, I found out my mother was still alive but for some reason hiding. In my dream, there was a female guard to protect mom from others… for keeping mom’s secret that she is still alive. I confront the guard and without saying who I am or giving mom’s name, I said “where is she?” and the guard knew who I was referring to mom.

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The guard took me to a small room with several tables. Mom was sitting at one of the tables talking to some and wasn’t looking in my direction. As I got closer to her, she said “no, she wasn’t going anywhere”. Looking at her, I told mom I was there to take her away, that if she felt she needed to stay there and away from whatever she was hiding from, that I understood.

Mom didn’t say anything else to me but had me sit on her lap. Me a grown woman, sitting on her mother’s lap. She held me for a long time, and it felt so real.

Mom wasn’t an affectionate mother and she often yelled instead of talking. Except for when I was a little girl, I assumed she must have hugged me, but I don’t remember it. I do remember when I was 25 mom’s first cousin died.  After seeing him in the coffin, I started crying and crying and walked away into the lobby. Mom came and sat by me and hugged me as I cried. That is my only memory of her hugging me.

As I have come to terms with things from my live, I took the dream of mom hugging me as her way of telling me she is sorry for her part in it. She has accepted her part in what happened.

Mom must have known a hug was just what I needed.